mistakes

im having a hard time lately, i know i messed up and i know i have to pay for my mistake but whats worse is finding out i ruined plans that were going to be a supprise to me and my daughter. im at a point in my life right now that is hard for me to deal with. the dissapointed looks i get and the talks i get about how bad i messed up is hitting me hard, Yet Again! im thrown into a wall and beaten til i cant stand cant talk cant see and cant feel anything and whats worse is that i have to take what i have done and admit to myself my faults and that is probably the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. Yes i have messed up quite a few times in my life but not like this not with the law and that is harder than learning my previous lessons on my own. it also sucks that i am making my family pay right along with me for my mistakes. i feel so stupid and now have stooped down to the level that i was before i got my perfect family. No im not perfect i dont go to church i do swear and smoke but im not a bad person and i want to do better it just takes time noone knows what my life was like before and noone knows how i handle my life now and maybe thats my downfall maybe thats my problem, idk, but i know im learning from this new mistake and i just need more time to learn myself and admit my faults. one day i will just not today i cant change in one day god didnt make the world in one day so i know i have time to change. i love my family and i want them to be proud of me but getting there and earning that back is harder than i thought it was, ya when i was younger i didnt care but now its all i care about my family that is. ive grown so much and i just need to keep going and keep trying.